the cross

Much to my amazement I went to church this morning to attend a sunday service. I felt weird, first of all, as it was my first sunday service in more than, let's see, um...about 10 years. I attended an English service out of curiosity. I was told by a friend of mine the church has about 10,000 members. Needless to say, it had three 6-story high buildings situated around the main chapel, with another one being erected, all dedicated to services and bible study of one form or another. Because there were so many people who came by car, a nearby elementary school yard had to be used as a parking lot for the attendees. Every Sunday, I was told, it holds 6 main services, without counting the services for English speaking people and other specific groups.

I don't see myself as a christian anymore. I am way too secular to be tied to a religion. Though, I can understand the enthusiasm by its believers, I can never agree with them on whole variety of issues in regards to belief in God, resurrection, trinity etc... I guess, it's one reason why they are Christian and why I am not. But I appreciate their faith.

The motivation behind my visit was to see if there was any difference in the way I think about religion, namely, Christianity. The short answer is no. I felt once more that the church was still trying to insulate the flocks, to see everything in binary. This is one view I was never comfortable with - either or. For example, the message today was about why believing in Jesus Christ was not about just doing good deeds- doing good deeds is secondary to the much more grave and consequential issue - that of believing Him, Him only and only Him. Only through Jesus, the preacher went on, could anybody claim the righteousness.

If you are a Christian, however, I can see the point. It may very well be perferctly legitimate within the Christian doctrine. But doctrine only it is.

I may have been a fool to believe that anything could have changed during my hiatus from the church, that what has been believed and taught for 2000 years can somehow change radically was truly a fool's game. But one can easily see the dangers of this kind of message that inculcates in the minds of many Christians who are not exposed to the more honest and open religious experience. What baffles me the most is that most of us go to church because we feel insecure as human. But we come out of church feeling we've got more truth than the others who do not share our belief. In other words, it becomes very condescending. Somehow the others do not know, but we do because we believe in Jesus. The other religions are wrong, but we are not for we believe in Christ.

Shouldn't the church leaders really talk about the teachings of Jesus more than anything, that he wanted us to love our neighbors just as he loved us. That love is the ultimate message he has left for us. Instead, these leaders of congregation take their measuring stick and unafraid to use it whenever they can. I am constantly reminded that Jesus never judged a person, nor did he condemn any just because he was "different" from him. That he died for us because he loved us, not because he wanted us to feel that we are superior.

For all my diatribe, though, I was, in all honesty, delighted that I was there in the presence of a group of people singing to some unavailing being. Maybe because it brought back the good old memories of me being involved in church activities with friends I cared, which has, to say the least, nothing to do with religious doctrines.